


with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground

by Ischa



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Incest, M/M, Multi, Sexual Content, Supernatural Elements, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-03
Updated: 2011-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-24 07:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a vaguely His Dark Materials inspired AU. Mikey is Gerard's human-shaped daemon. Which translates to me that no one but Gerard can touch him. You won't find anything else from the books here.<br/>I posted all three parts/stories in one post because I am lazy...</p><p><i>Frank lies down next to Gerard on the bed and Mikey sighs in relief. He curls into Gerard's body, wanting to be closer to Frank any way he can. Gerard brushes his hair away and looks at him. Mikey isn't in the mood to have this conversation. He just wants to enjoy this. Gerard sighs silently, Mikey can feel his breath hitting his skin and then Gerard's fingers curl around is neck, tangle at the back of his neck and he begins stroking his nape. Matching the rhythm with Frank's on Gerard's hip. Mikey wants to cry. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground

**Title:** With bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground  
 **Pairing:** Mikey/Frank, Frank/Gerard, Mikey/Frank/Gerard  
 **Rating:** NC-17  
 **Summary:** This is a vaguely inspired His Dark Materials AU. Mikey is Gerard's human-shaped daemon. Which translates to me that no one but Gerard can touch him. You won't anything else from the books here.  
 **Warning(s):** threesome, sex, incest (of some sorts), lots of angts and UST.  
 **Author’s Notes:** For geoffaree . The first two stories of this were written in comments over at anon_lovefest.  
Title (s): Florence and the machine  
 **Word Count:** 10.440  
 **Beta:** asm_z  
 **Disclaimer:** Don’t know, don’t own, not real

\---

With bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground

~+~  
The first time Mikey really notices that this won't work anymore is on tour. They didn't think it would be a big deal. Gerard sure as hell didn't think that, but then Gerard is drunk more often than not these days. Mikey cannot fathom the reasons why Gerard would want to be drunk and unconscious half the time.  
It's fucking irresponsible. Gerard has to know that.  
Especially in their situation.

“Gerard...” Mikey says sighing and Gerard opens his eyes and smiles at him. It looks loopy and broken somehow and it makes Mikey angry. Gerard holds his hand out and makes a small noise.

“Come here?” he asks.  
Mikey hates this, hates how Gerard _feels_ , how darkish and tainted, how it curls around Mikey and doesn't let go of him, but he needs this more now.  
He sits down beside Gerard and curls around him and lets Gerard curl around him in return. Mikey can feel Gerard's heartbeat and how it begins to beat in the same rhythm as Mikey's.  
It feels good, it feels like before, when they were still one.  
When Gerard didn't try to get away from the way they are.

~+~  
But they aren't. The thing is that Mikey _knows_ he belongs to Gerard, even the touch of someone else is unbearable at times, but it doesn't mean that Gerard is his in return.  
He watches as Gerard laughs with some girl before she touches his arm and he lets her drag him away.  
Mikey knows that Gerard is drunk again and on his way to get even drunker. He can feel the tainted curls of it in his system like an echo.

“You okay?” Ray asks, he doesn't touch, he knows better than that. Not that anyone knows what the deal with Mikey is – or Gerard for that matter, but they are friends and respect boundaries.

Mikey nods. “No,” he says then.

“I am worried too, you know?” Ray answers.

“I know.”

Mikey needs to lean onto Gerard, he needs to be with Gerard like they used to be when they were kids, or when Gerard was a kid, but then this is so messed up that Mikey feels like a real person most of the time.  
The yearning is unbearable today and the knowledge that Gerard is with someone else, that...he can't even think about that.

~+~  
Mikey is curled up in his bunk and doesn't even open his eyes when Gerard opens the curtain and crawls in.

“I'm sorry,” he says. Mikey doesn't answer. He knows that Gerard is sorry right now, he always is when he starts to sober up, but this isn't going to cut it anymore. Gerard curls around him and the good feelings start to pour inside him. He feels stronger and more alive. “I'm sorry,” Gerard mumbles again against Mikey's neck. His breath hitting Mikey's skin every time he exhales.

“I'm sorry too,” Mikey answers and Gerard's arms around him tighten until it hurts.

“Don't say that,” he replies. There is a note of pleading in his voice. He wouldn't be like this if he weren't drunk and so fucking sorry for it all, Mikey can't breathe with all the emotions that are pouring into him.

“You messed me up,” Mikey says. “It was never supposed to be like this. _I_ was never supposed to be like this.”

“Mikey...”

“I'm weak. You make me weak,” Mikey whispers harshly.

Gerard kisses his neck and Mikey sighs. “I'm sorry.”

“I know you are, you always are...”  
Gerard curls into him, like he wants to merge their bodies together and make them one again and doesn't answer.

~+~  
When Gerard disappears for three days straight, Mikey doesn't even get up. He can't get up. He feels like all the air was stolen from him, like vital parts of his anatomy are missing.  
Ray looks worried all the time; Frank too.

“This has to stop,” Ray says and Frank gives him a look. He's hovering close to Mikey and Mikey doesn't want anything more than to curl around someone who will make him feel good again. He wishes he would belong to someone else. Someone who would care. Someone like Frank.

“I wish sometimes he weren't mine...” Mikey whispers and Frank makes to brush his knuckles over his cheek, but stops. He knows better than that too. It's the gesture that counts.

“I wish that too, sometimes,” Frank says. He says it like he knows what Mikey is talking about and maybe he knows. Just because the whole daemon thing isn't well known in this world they’re stranded in, doesn't mean that people don't know the old stories.

Mikey closes his eyes. “Just bring him back to me?” he asks.

“We're on it, Mikes, we're on it.”

“And with we, you mean Brain,” Mikey whispers with a smile.

“Yeah, would it help if I just...I don't know, maybe put the record on?”

“No, but thank you...” Mikey answers and closes his eyes.  
He can feel a dark part of Gerard clawing at his insides, tearing at his soul and he wants to scream. It hurts Mikey every time and Gerard has to know it. The thing is, that Gerard is too far gone to care about it much.

~+~  
He wakes up to harsh whispers.

“You can't keep doing this anymore!” Ray hisses.

“I'm -”

“If you say you're sorry I am going to punch you in the face, I swear to god, Gee,” that is Frank.

“Is he okay?” Gerard asks in a small voice.

“He is not okay, Gerard. How could he possibly be okay?” Ray answers.  
He closes his eyes again and waits for Gerard to curl around him.  
It isn't like before anymore. He doesn't think it can ever be like before if Gerard doesn't stop drinking, taking drugs and sleeping with whoever is willing or just plain _there._  
Gerard curls around him and begins to stroke his hair, Mikey doesn't want to but he doesn't have a choice – that's how he is – he pushes into the touch, closer to Gerard's body.

“If you say you're sorry I'll tell Frank to punch you really hard, Gee,” he mumbles against Gerard's chest.

“I'm going to quit.”

“What?” Mikey wants to know.

“The drugs, the alcohol,” Gerard answers.

“What about the sex?” Mikey breathes.

Gerard makes a pained noise. “I don't know. I don't think so...that is not how I am made.”

“But that's how I am made, Gerard,” he replies and it's only a whisper, but it's still sharp and cutting. Mikey was never before in his life more aware how different they are. How much they don't belong here.  
Gerard hugs him tightly, but doesn't answer.

~end~

 

And what was left after that too

~1~  
Getting sober isn't fun for any of them. Of course it's the least fun for Gerard, but Mikey can feel every pain like his own and no amount of distance helps with it. He feels constantly sick and _angry_. Partly it's Gerard's anger at everything – mostly himself -- and partly it's his own. He is angry at Gerard too. Mikey knows it doesn't help that they are angry at things they can't change anymore, but it doesn't stop him from being angry and, at times, hating Gerard for doing this to them in the first place.  
And then there are times like this when none of them can stand being apart. When they huddle for the comfort and warmth, the bond they share and always will.

“I'm sorry,” Gerard says and he said it so many times that it starts to lose its meaning to Mikey. He can feel how sorry Gerard is, he can, but still.  
He wants to scream then, to tell Gerard he should have thought about it earlier. He doesn't, because that is not how he is, that is not _who_ he is.

“I know.”

“Sometimes I just can't stand it...being here,” Gerard admits in a small voice and buries his face in Mikey's neck. His hair is wet and his skin sweaty and it's pretty disgusting, but it gets better. This isn't as bad as it was in the beginning.

“I know,” Mikey repeats.  
Gerard keeps silent.

~+~  
Mikey isn't sure Gerard knows that he sometimes wishes they weren't what they are, or that he was someone else's daemon. Someone who would've been stronger. Someone who would've cared better for him.  
Maybe that is the reason Gerard was drinking in the first place.

~+~  
Mikey used to block out the touches of the people that run their hands over Gerard's body as best he could.  
He doesn't think it was supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to feel all this, but when Gerard started drinking something shifted in their bond, something was damaged. Maybe it was the world they were stranded in, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Gerard. Mikey doesn't know. The only thing Mikey knows is that he shouldn't have been human in the first place. He imagines that life, his life would have been easier as an animal. He remembers liking shifting between forms when they were kids, he remembers that it made Gerard happy too.  
But it made Gerard the happiest when he was human-shaped, because it was easier that way, he realised later.  
Gerard liked to take the easy road when it was there and Mikey didn't know any better back then.

~2~  
Frank keeps a careful distance, Mikey can feel his body warmth and wishes they could touch. He wishes...well, sometimes he wishes he were Frank's.

“You'll be okay,” Frank says, handing him a mug of coffee, careful not to touch.

“You mean he'll be okay,” Mikey says, closing his hands around the warm mug. It's more hot than warm, but it never bothered him much.

“No, I mean you two,” Frank answers, sitting down across the table.

“We'll be, I guess.”

“I know you will be,” Frank answers, nodding his head.

~+~  
“I really want to hug you sometimes. Right now is one of these times,” Frank says softly.  
Mikey looks up at him and smiles. He feels like shit, because Gerard feels like shit. These second-hand feelings are disturbing. The pain is worse than his own.

“Go and hug Gerard then,” Mikey answers without really thinking about it.

“You think that'll help?” Frank asks with real curiosity in his voice.

Mikey leans his head on his knees and closes his eyes. He does think it would help. It would help Gerard, so it would help him too, but something inside him wants this for himself. Wants Frank to hug him. Only him. Doesn't want any more second hand touches and feelings.

“Yeah, I think it'll help,” he mumbles into his knees. The fabric of his pants moist from his breath. He never wondered about how Frank just knows how to ask the right questions, but maybe he should start wondering about it now. And he would if he weren't so tired and hurting all the time.

“Okay, I hope he'll let me.”

“It would help if you just lay down beside him. I just can't right now,” Mikey says.

“Okay...”

~+~  
The thing is it does help. It does help that Gerard is feeling better with Frank lying next to him. To Mikey it feels a bit like a ghost occupying the empty space beside him. A warm feeling spreading into him from that place he shares with Gerard. When he concentrates he can feel Frank run his fingers over Gerard's head, his shoulder, can feel the warmth of his palm on his stomach. Moving rhythmically with every breath Gerard takes.  
His own breath hitches and he aches in a way he didn't before. A way he has hazy memories of – not his own.  
He sits and curls up in one corner of the couch. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe Helena was wrong, just because no one could touch him before, when he was a kid, and later...well, they didn't try after the first few times, because it hurt Gerard and Mikey couldn't bare his screams and pain and what hurt Gerard hurt him too. And besides they had each other and it was enough. It was enough until it wasn't anymore – at least not for Gerard.  
Mikey didn't understand why they had to be apart, but he could feel how Gerard wanted it and how unhappy he was all the time. When it comes down to it he does what Gerard wants, because he is part of Gerard, because he is what Gerard wants him to be, or well, at least that is how it was supposed to be.  
This world messed them up. Gerard messed them up – for survival, of course, but still. Just because it looks like the only good solution doesn't mean it is the only good option.  
For Mikey this is more pain that he could've imagined at the time. The bond with Gerard is a wound refusing to heal and Mikey knows, and he is sure Gerard knows that too, it won't ever heal, not even scab over. It will stay this open, pulsing, messed up thing.

~3~  
Gerard is curled up around him and he is hurting less and less each day and Mikey feels on some days like he can breathe again. He knows it helps that he is there for Gerard, it helps that Frank's there when Mikey just can't make it over to him, when Gerard refuses to get up.  
Frank lies down next to Gerard on the bed and Mikey sighs in relief. He curls into Gerard's body, wanting to be closer to Frank any way he can. Gerard brushes his hair away and looks at him. Mikey isn't in the mood to have this conversation. He just wants to enjoy this. Gerard sighs silently, Mikey can feel his breath hitting his skin and then Gerard's fingers curl around is neck, tangle at the back of his neck and he begins stroking his nape. Matching the rhythm with Frank's on Gerard's hip. Mikey wants to cry.

~+~  
Mikey isn't sure if he is grateful or not for Gerard doing this. It's messed up. Not that there are any standards they can measure themselves on. They just don't belong here, so the rules aren't theirs either. Shouldn't be at least.

“I do care,” Gerard says, exhaling smoke and handing the cigarette to Mikey.

“I know you do.”

“And I am sorry. I want to make this shit up to you and you like him...I have no idea how to make this work for you,” Gerard admits.

Mikey knows there isn't enough legends left in this world to paint them a picture, to write them a manual. They are dancing in the dark and trying their best. Learning by trial and error. It's mostly errors. Painful errors.

“I'm not sure this doesn't make stuff worse,” Mikey answers, exhaling and taking another drag.

“But it helps when he touches me, so maybe...maybe...”

“I'm not even thinking about what you're trying to suggest here,” Mikey answers, bumping Gerard's side softly so he knows Mikey isn't angry.

“I know I messed you up by making you human. I just didn't know any better,” Gerard says.

“But you aren't really sorry,” Mikey gives back.

“No. You were what I wanted. You are what I want.”

“And still you tried to get away from me, from us. Tried to hurt me by hurting yourself.”

“I never said I wasn't messed up, Mikes,” Gerard answers. He leans his head against the wall of the house and looks over the garden. They're hiding here and they know it. “Sometimes it's too much being us, sometimes I want to be normal.”

“Sometimes I want to be with someone else. Belong to someone else,” Mikey confesses softly.

Gerard reaches out and grabs his hand, intertwines their fingers and squeezes.“I wish I could say I don't understand why, but I do. I suck as a human being. I suck as a big brother, too.”

“It's this world. We don't belong here and in these matters...being with people, well, we have no idea what to do.”

“You want to be with someone like I am with people?” Gerard asks earnestly.

“Not until now,” Mikey answers.

“You want to be with Frank, right?”

Mikey smiles. “Yeah, I would like to be with Frank.”

“I could...I mean he is good looking, it would be no hardship...” Gerard tries again.

“No. I don't want him to be with you, I want to be with him. I want to feel this on my own. I don't want any more second hand feelings and I know you aren't built that way, but I don't like this. They don't care about you and you don't care about them and it feels _wrong_ when they touch you.”

“How does Frank feel?” Gerard asks, curious.

“Warm and safe.”

“Frank cares.”

“Yes,” Mikey answers and that makes all the difference.

~+~  
Gerard pulling away from Frank's touch isn't something that goes unnoticed by Frank.

“So...Gerard is being weird about me touching him. I mean, it's great he can deal alone now, but...” he trails of lighting a cigarette.

“We agreed it's better that way.”

“So, you don't want me to touch Gerard then?”

“It's complicated.”

“I know it is,” Frank answers.

“I really don't think you do.”

“You know I am part Polish...and the Polish they tell weird bed-time stories,” Frank says.

Mikey turns his head slightly to look at him. “What?”

“I know you guys are...” he waves his hand and settles on “bonded.”

“That's one way to put it.”

“I know you are some kind of supernatural being, Mikey. I know you don't really belong here. You're just...strange and beautiful and crazy and this world seems to be wrong for you. I know that when I touch Gerard that I can touch you,” he adds in a soft voice.

“I like when you touch me, but not like this,” Mikey confesses.

“I really want to touch you...” Frank answers, reaching out and Mikey makes a sharp step back.

“It hurts Gerard when people touch me, it hurts him. He wouldn't stop screaming, Frank...he wouldn't _stop_.”

“We'll figure this out,” Frank replies, his voice sure.

“You really shouldn't waste your time on a lost cause like me,” Mikey says, softly. He means it too. Frank deserves to be with someone who can be with him in return.

“You aren't a lost cause. I am sure nature isn't that cruel.”

Mikey keeps silent, because there is no answer he can give.

~end~

 

My blood is singing with your voice

~1~  
The first time it happens Gerard isn't even sure what it is. It doesn't feel painful, but it doesn't feel like anything else he's ever felt either. It's like something warm and soft touched his insides for a brief moment to leave him breathless, leave him wanting, longing for more of whatever it was.  
He lies wide awake in the hotel bed and tries to classify the feeling, tries to make sense of it. He can't.  
His fingers touch his skin where he felt the warm surge of something and closes his eyes, hunting the feeling down, it doesn't come back, but it lingers in his bones.

~+~  
The second time it happens they’re in the middle of a show and he falls to his knees a sharp gasp escaping his lips and it isn't pain. It's a rush of happiness he didn't feel before, laced with something else, something he doesn't, can't really name, can't identify, something that isn’t the music, the performance. It passes far too fast for his taste. He inhales shakily and gets up, screams and sings and rides the high of it all. Until the end.

~+~  
The third time it’s not only happiness, there is a twinge of guilt somewhere in it, not his own. _Not his own_ and Gerard realises that these aren’t his feelings (he knew that, he knew), but they’re so good he gets high and giddy on them. It’s like a drug and he wants to feel like that always. Gerard has no illusions about his addictive personality.  
He has no idea how to deal with these feelings, this second hand happiness. Has only a vague idea where it comes from. He steals glances at Mikey and Frank from time to time and...well, he has no idea actually what he's looking for. It's not like he doesn't know about Mikey's feelings for Frank and Frank's feelings for Mikey. What he didn't know, what they didn't know, is very obvious now: if the love is strong enough an outsider's touch doesn't hurt. What he wonders about is how Mikey could even _risk_ it. He's unexpectedly mad about it. He stomps down on that feeling. It wouldn't help anyone anyway and this isn't bad. This is good. Gerard _enjoys_ it more than he should, but it's not like he could do anything about it anyway.

~2~  
Somehow it seems a bit unfair, he muses in the dark hours when he has the time to muse, that he gets all the good feelings when Frank brushes a finger against Mikey's wrist or kisses his cheek really fast. Gerard is sure that they could touch longer if the wanted (but he guesses Mikey is too scared to try), even snuggle, make out – he stops his thoughts right there. There is an ache inside his chest that he doesn't know, has no idea what to do with because he never felt it before. He knows all about the desire that strikes out of nowhere, but that, that is his own. Mikey's feelings are a lot more pure and complicated and Gerard hates him at times for it.

~+~  
“So, you and Frank?” Gerard asks.

“Yeah...” Mikey answers. He smiles over the rim of his coffee mug. “It doesn't hurt you when he touches me, right? I couldn't feel anything,” he asks concerned.

Gerard wants to answer with something sharp like' now you care about me?', but it wouldn't be fair. Gerard is sure Mikey was terrified when Frank first brushed a tentative finger against his skin, listening for Gerard's screams of pain. “No, it doesn't,” Gerard says. He lights a cigarette for himself and one for Mikey and hands it over.

“So, it's okay...when we try things?” Mikey asks and this right here drives it home for Gerard that Mikey is over 20 and a virgin.

“Sure, but don't you let him pressure you into anything, okay Mikes?”

Mikey rolls his eyes. “It's like you don't know me at all.”

Sometimes, Gerard thinks, sometimes he thinks that too. Mikey hands him his coffee mug and Gerard smiles at him. “I just want you to be happy, okay? And I am your big brother. I worry.”

Mikey smiles at him, exhaling smoke. “I...yeah. I get it. I worry too.”  
Gerard nods.

~+~  
Gerard feels warmth spreading through his body, first from the side where Frank touched Mikey and all the way down to his freaking toes. He lies still and tries to breathe through it. Tries not to get into the feeling, to fall into that want/love/now feeling that is overwhelming him. He bites his lip to keep quiet. For fuck's sake! He doesn't think he can take much more of it and then it stops and he feels the ghost of a kiss against his lips.  
When he stumbles into the kitchen the next morning and sees Frank already there, making coffee, he can't look away from Frank's hands.

“Gee?”

“Yeah?” Gerard's gaze snaps to Frank's face and that doesn't make it better at all. There are Frank's lips and Gerard knows how they feel.

“You okay?” Frank asks, handing him a mug of coffee. Gerard nods, taking it absent-mindedly, their fingers brush and something inside Gerard aches again so badly that he nearly lets go of the freaking mug. He inhales sharply and takes a step back hastily. “You sure? You look pale as fuck.”

“I always look pale as fuck. I am rocking being a vampire, Frankie,” he answers and Frank gives him a look, but doesn't say anything else.

Oh, well, fuck, Gerard thinks. This is how it feels then on the other side of the whole second hand feelings business.  
Not cool.

~3~  
By the time Mikey and Frank work up to jerking each other off, Gerard is ready to kill something fluffy and make Bob scowl at him for his trouble. He feels constantly horny and overheated and he's looking at Frank and wants things and that is just..that can't be right at all.  
He didn't think about Frank that way, not in the way Mikey thinks of him. Sure Gerard can admit that Frank is hot and he would let Frank fuck him or he would fuck Frank, but, _but_ not like this. Not with all these tender feelings coursing through his blood.  
He wants something to take the edge off badly. Or someone. Gerard figures that now he can hook up with people again. Now that Mikey is with someone and doesn't have to share the second hand feelings. If Gerard can time it right the second hand feelings might even cancel each other out or something. He doesn't know if it'll work, but he needs to try. He wants a normal life – or as normal as it can get when a part of your soul is walking around disguised as your brother.

~+~  
When he comes back and he is all fucked out and feeling good and sated for once Frank is waiting for him in the lounge.

“Hey,” Gerard says uneasy.

“Hey,” Frank says and makes a gesture that Gerard understands as 'sit, we need to talk'.

Gerard sighs and lights a cigarette. He is sure he'll need it badly. Maybe even the whole pack.  
“This is about Mikey, isn't it?”

“Yeah...and you, I guess.”

“Okay...”

“He can still feel you getting it on with strangers, Gee.”

“I can't stop having sex with people for god's sake!”

“Maybe it wouldn't hurt him if it were with someone you care about!” Frank gives back.

Gerard takes a drag. “It's not my fault. I'm not like him.”

Frank runs a hand through his hair. “I know it's not your fault. It's not his fault either. You should've been one being.”

“But we aren't and I don't know how to deal with this. I am doing what I can.”

“It's not enough,” Frank says.

“Fuck you! I'll be with him long after you're out of the picture,” Gerard says and feels horrible the second he says it. It's such a freaking stupid thing to say and hurtful too. But he's so mad right now at Frank. All these stupid _feelings_ are making him restless and he doesn't want this, doesn't want to hurt Mikey. He fucked up badly once and doesn't want to repeat it.

Frank takes a deep breath and clenches his hands to fists at his sides. “You are so lucky right now that I love you,” he grits out.

Gerard leans his head against the back of the couch. He knows he should apologize, but he has no idea how. “But it's true,” he says quietly.

“It is and that's all the more reason to make this right,” Frank answers.

“I know I didn't do a bang up job until now, okay? I know. I am trying to deal better with...with us. But it's hard. I-” he bites his lip and keeps quiet. He can't tell Frank. He needs to tell Mikey first. But he can't tell Mikey either.  
Frank gives him a sharp look and then just nods and they smoke in silence.

~+~  
“I'm sorry I ruined your chance at getting laid,” Gerard says.

“Yeah...I-”

“I thought if we had sex at the same time that it would cancel the second hand feelings out, you  
know?”

Mikey looks at him sharply. “You can feel when Frank is touching me,” he states.

Well, shit. “Yeah...kind of. Like someone's touching my insides, like...it's like having sex from within...I have no idea how to describe it.”

“Well, shit. Frank will be so mad,” Mikey answers.

“I am really sorry. I don't want to spy on you or whatever. I just can't help it and it feels nice. It makes me ache, it makes me feel wanted, it makes me want things-” he shuts his mouth and doesn't look at Mikey. He can feel Mikey's gaze on his skin. Hot and brooding.

“It makes you want to do things with _Frank_. That's why you started to sleep around again. To take the edge off,” Mikey says softly and Gerard nods. At some point they have to face all the things between them or they'll end up locked away, or on a bender or something else, worse maybe. “And it feels good when Frank touches me?”

“Yes, Mikey, yes it feels good,” Gerard answers frustrated. He turns around to look at his brother then. Mikey bites his lip, thinking. “It's like falling in love should feel. It feels warm and safe and happy and giddy and then desire slams into me out of nowhere and I look at his knuckles and know how they feel brushing my lips, _your_ lips. And I can't deal with it because I never had to deal with that kind of shit before.”

“So, you hate it then?”

“Yes! No! I just...he's the only person beside me who can touch you.”

“And you don't want to take that away from me.”

Gerard nods, “Yes.” Maybe it's not the whole truth, but it's close enough. “It's so good I want to keep it. I want him to touch you all the time, and it was enough, in the beginning, but it's not anymore.”

“So...you're falling for him because I am falling for him?”

“I don't know! You never fell for anyone I felt for.”

“It's because you never were in love, you never loved anyone at all,” Mikey answers calmly.

“I always loved you,” Gerard answers earnestly.

“Yeah, I know,” Mikey says. “At least enough to hurt me and-”

“Mikes.” Gerard interrupts.

“I get it. I wanted to hurt you too, but I just didn't.”

“Because you didn't have anyone else.”

“Maybe, maybe it's because I am not like you.”

“And let's thank whatever higher power there might be for that,” Gerard answers and Mikey smiles at him.

“We'll figure this out.”

~+~  
Gerard has really no idea how Mikey wants to figure this out. There is no manual for this kind of thing. They are learning by their mistakes, by hurting each other. Gerard knows that he can only hate Mikey so strongly because the love he feels for him is even stronger, but that doesn't make things better or easier. If anything it makes things worse. If he didn't love Mikey like he does, like a part of himself, maybe...well, but it's no use to think about it. They can't change a thing. That's how they are. That's how they'll always be.

~+~  
The first time Gerard gives in and touches himself, it isn't a conscious decision. He's still half asleep and the feelings curl around him. The brushing of fingers on skin, the warm tingle around his heart, light teasing caress of lips and the soft wet feeling of a tongue. He chases the sensations with his fingers, from his collarbone, over his chest, a press of a thumb into his hipbone, a stroke over the inside of his thigh. Down and up again until his hand curls around his dick and he wakes up biting a moan back, but really by then it's too late to stop anyway, so he goes through with it. His sleepy mind tries to chase the warm feeling inside him instead of the guilt trying to claw its way in or the cooling mess on his skin.

~4~  
The next morning Mikey gives him a complicated look and holds the coffee mug out to him. He lets Gerard inhale half of it before he lights a cigarette, hands that one over to Gerard and Gerard leans against the small table. The edge digging painfully into the bruise forming on his hip.

“So...” Gerard says.

“Yeah,” Mikey answers.

“I was half asleep, in my defence. It won't happen again,” Gerard says. It's more like a vow.

“You can't really promise that and I don't want you to promise that either.”

“It's not okay for me to do, I mean to actively be doing stuff while you're doing _stuff_. With Frank.”

“Uhm...he was doing stuff to me,” Mikey says with a shy smile and Gerard realises that Mikey wants to talk about this because it's him having sex for the first time and he wants to share it with his brother. He wants to share it with Gerard.

“I don't know if I can handle that. I know how it _feels_ when he kisses you, when he brushes his fingers against your skin. How his tongue-” he bites his lip, staring at a point a bit to the right of Mikey's head.

“I bet it feels better than all the strangers you're hooking up with.”

“Mikey...”

“It does, doesn't it?”

“I don't want this!” Gerard says sharply and Mikey looks pissed off for a second before he sighs and lights a cigarette. He takes a deep drag and Gerard watches him exhale in silence.

“You don't want Frank? I find that hard to believe as you wanted to fuck him for me.”

Gerard sighs, putting his empty mug on the table and stepping closer to Mikey. “I didn't have feelings for him then.”

“Ah,” Mikey says as if he just figured Gerard out and maybe he has, Gerard doesn't know. “So it's okay for you to fuck someone you don't care about much then?”

“It's not that and you know it. It's that Frank belongs to you and I don't want to take anything away from you at all.”

“You can't help it, Gee, because that's how we are and at least when you're doing 'stuff'” he does quotes with his fingers and Gerard rolls his eyes, “when I'm with Frank I know that you aren't out there with someone who doesn't love you.”

“I don't want you to have to share this.”

“That's not even up for debate, Gerard. It never was. We can't change it and it hurts me when you're with people who don't care.”

“I can't be alone.”

“I know,” Mikey answers, grabbing Gerard by the neck and pulling him close. “Frank knows that too.”

“Did you talk with Frank about it?” Gerard mumbles into Mikey's shirt.

“He heard you too; I don't think I'll need to explain much.”  
No, Gerard thinks, he really won't.

~+~  
Gerard still has no clue what to do with all the _feelings_ he suddenly has. He’s pretty sure they aren’t his own. Or as sure as you can be in a situation like this.  
Sometimes when he looks at Frank smoking, he catches himself staring at Frank’s lips and his fingers, his knuckles. Sometimes when Frank comes over on stage Gerard wants to grab him and kiss him senseless and it doesn’t help that Frank is rubbing all over him, yanking at his hair, running his tongue down Gerard’s neck. He feels excited and guilty, because he’s so turned on by this and he was before, because duh, Frank, music, adrenalin, but it never gave him tender feelings. Never-. Whatever.  
Sometimes he catches Mikey look at them and doesn’t know what to feel or say. Not that he can say much during a show and after. Well, after he just disappears because he doesn’t want to deal with it.

~+~  
He’s hyperventilating and he knows it. He’s so screwed. So fucked. It’s not even funny. It’s not that he planned it. It just happened. And Frank, Frank, kissed him back. And everyone saw it and it will be on youtube for ever and ever. Amen.  
He slides down the wall to sit in a dark corridor and lights a cigarette. No way can he face Mikey now. No way in hell. He needs a drink. So badly. So fucking badly it scares him.

~+~  
Mikey finds him later on the bus, because you can’t hide in a bus for very long.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Gerard says. He’s tired, so tired. All this stuff seriously messes with his head.

“I know. You never want to talk about it.”

“Are you mad?” Gerard asks.

Mikey sighs. Gerard can’t see his face and he doesn’t push the curtains aside to try and see it. He honestly doesn’t feel ready for this.  
“I’m not mad. You are stupid.”

“I know. And I don’t want him to take the blame, but he kissed me back.”

“I know, I saw it and I felt it and it felt amazing, Gee.”

Gerard does push the curtain aside then and blinks up at his brother. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Mikey answers with a soft, small smile. It’s his genuine ‘I’m kinda happy’ smile.

“So, you’re not mad that I kissed your boyfriend and everybody saw it?”

“You were always kind of an exhibitionist.”

“Only on stage,” Gerard answers absentmindedly.

Mikey smiles again and reaches out to curl his fingers around Gerard’s jaw. Gerard leans into it. He can’t not. He misses kissing people, he misses their hands roaming over his body, their fingers digging into the soft flesh of his belly and hips and ass. Their mouths and tongues leaving wet trails on his skin. Kissing Frank on stage, smelling him, feeling him, tasting him sparked that arousal again.

“You miss being fucked,” Mikey says softly, his voice awed.

“Yeah. I miss it.” He kisses Mikey’s palm and pulls away. Lies down and makes space as Mikey crawls into the bunk with him.

“Don’t you like it?” he whispers in the dark of the close space.

“We didn’t do that,” Mikey answers.

“Oh…” Gerard says (he should have known, but this is pretty new to Gerard and he isn't as tuned to the whole second feelings-thing as Mikey is) and then after a while: “Are you afraid?” He feels Mikey shift and curl into him. Mikey’s fingers in his shirt and his breath on his neck.

“Sometimes. Sometimes I am. I know you liked it, but it hurt me.”

“When I did it with strangers.” Gerard clarifies.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry I fucked this up for you and Frank.”

“No, Frank doesn’t care. He’s glad we are able to do stuff at all.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

There is silence. A lot of it. A waiting kind and Gerard feels nervous suddenly. “I really want to. I want Frank to feel good too, I want to not be afraid. I...” he stops and places his fingers on Gerard’s face; thumb caressing the corner of Gerard’s lips.

“Yeah?” Gerard asks. He can hear Mikey taking a deep breath. He can feel it too, they’re so close.

“I want it to feel good and it always does feel good for you and when you kissed Frank. It felt amazing being on the other side of that, Gee.”

Gerard doesn’t even need three seconds to understand what Mikey is asking of him here. He knows Mikey won’t make him or ask again if Gerard should refuse.  
“It’s because I like him too, now.”

“I’m sorry I messed you up that way,” Mikey answers.

There is nothing Mikey should be sorry for in this, Gerard thinks, and tells Mikey that. “You talked to Frank?”

“Not yet,” Mikey answers.

“You need to talk to Frank first.”

“Thank you,” Mikey whispers and Gerard kisses him, pushes their bodies even closer and falls asleep like that.

~5~  
So, Gerard thinks this shouldn’t be that awkward. Sex was never awkward for him. Or maybe it was in the beginning, but then he was drinking and the other person was usually drunk too and the only thing he wanted was to get off. This here, this here is a totally different game. One he doesn’t know how to play.

“Okay,” Frank says leaning against the wall. He lights a cigarette.

“Okay what?” Mikey asks, he’s biting his lip and looking nervous as hell.

“This is weird. I mean, don’t you think this is weird?” Frank asks, looking at Mikey, exhaling smoke.

“It’s Gerard,” Mikey answers and Gerard bursts out laughing. He just can’t help it.  
Mikey grins. “Yeah, it is weird, but-“

“We don’t have to do this,” Gerard says, getting up from the bed. Maybe they aren’t ready for this. Frank sure as hell doesn’t seem ready to Gerard. He stops in front of Frank and holds his hand out for the cigarette. He needs one badly. Frank grins and hands it over. When their fingers brush Mikey makes a noise and they both turn. Frank’s hand snatches back.

“NO!” Mikey yells a bit desperate.

“No?”

“It felt nice...” Mikey answers, sitting down on the bed, watching them.  
Frank reaches out carefully and settles his hand on Gerard’s hip, runs his fingers over the shirt covered skin. Gerard leans into it. It’s been so long someone did that. Did it like this. He just can’t help himself.

“Does this feel nice?” Frank asks, voice low.

“Yes,” Gerard says before he can think about it.

Frank leans into him, their chest touching and whispers, “I meant Mikey.”  
Gerard flinches and steps back. It stings; it shouldn’t because of course he meant Mikey, but it does anyway.

“Gee!”, Mikey says alarmed.

“I can't do this,” Gerard says, taking another step back. He takes a shaky drag from the half smoked cigarette and then gets some more distance between himself and Frank.

“What did I do?” Frank asks confused.

“Nothing,” Gerard answers. “It's me. I can't do this. I can't do this like this.”

“How?” Frank asks.

“Sober,” Gerard replies, takes a last drag and puts the butt in an empty mug on the small table. He feels shaky and unloved, it's stupid really. What the hell did he expect? This is Mikey's boyfriend. There is a reason Frank is with Mikey and not him. There is a reason Frank _loves_ Mikey and not him.  
There's silence again.

“Gee...” Mikey repeats, softly.

“I need to go. I'll go and find Bob,” he answers and leaves before one of them can prevent it. And he's going to find Bob, because Bob is his rock and he's trying to stay sober.

~+~  
Frank ambushes him two days later when Gerard goes out for coffee. It's really a dirty move. Gerard isn't on his best when he has no coffee in his system.  
The wind is cold and the sky grey, it looks like rain. Gerard huddles into his hoodie and clutches his paper cup of liquid bliss. Frank is smoking beside him as they're walking back to the hotel.

“So, I'm sorry,” Frank says out of the blue.

“For what?”

“For being a dick. I didn't mean to imply I only care for Mikey.”

“It's okay to only care for Mikey, he's your boyfriend. I'm only the fucked up brother of the guy you're in love with,” Gerard says and regrets it a second later. What a fucking idiot he is.  
Frank grabs his wrist and stops in the middle of the sidewalk. Good thing it's so early, Gerard thinks.

“I care about you too,” Frank says, his voice serious.

“I know.” Gerard does know it.

“Gee...”

“Are you okay with this? Or are you only doing it for Mikey?” Gerard asks.

Frank’s face does something complicated. “I don’t know. I want to be able to…” he waves his hand and Gerard nods, “but I care about you too and Mikey said that you can feel it when I do stuff with him. It’s kinda a turn on,” he confesses. He’s still holding Gerard’s hand, his thumb stroking over Gerard’s pulse in tiny circles. “And he can feel it when I touch you. I mean I could get him off without even touching him…” Frank shifts a bit and takes a drag from his nearly burned down cigarette. Gerard can’t stop staring at his lips.

~+~  
Mikey doesn’t bring it up again, but Gerard knew he wouldn’t. Gerard wants to explain and say he’s sorry, but he can’t help how he feels and Mikey knows that.

“Me and Frank are good,” Gerard says handing Mikey a scone and coffee.

“I know.”

“Of course you do,” Gerard answers smiling and Mikey smiles back.

~+~  
Sometimes Gerard is really surprised how self-absorbed he is. It takes him three weeks to figure out what Frank is doing. Three freaking weeks! To be fair, Frank is being subtle and that is something Gerard had never to deal with. It’s a whole new experience.  
Mikey and Frank still do stuff, still get each other off, still kiss and touch and make out for what feels like hours until Gerard is so desperate he presses his head into the pillow and bites down, while his body is shifting restlessly against the sheets. He would do anything, everything in these moments for someone to touch him, kiss him, drag a knuckle along the curve of his shoulder or hipbone.  
He doesn’t go out and find someone to do it. It’s hard, but he wants this to work for Mikey.  
So, Frank is being subtle. A brush of his fingers against Gerard’s when he hands over coffee, a cigarette, cookies. Grinding against Gerard’s side on stage, grabbing his hair hard while he performs and it’s nothing they didn’t do before, so Gerard goes with it. Doesn’t think about it much besides Mikey can feel it, too.  
It only makes him a little more desperate when the show is over and Gerard can feel Frank’s ghost-touch through Mikey later.  
Gerard catches on the second day of the fourth week. Frank was stalking him the whole time on stage and then he went over to Mikey to rub all over him, slide his hand under Mikey’s shirt just to come back and lick Gerard’s neck. The arousal wasn’t only his own. It was Mikey’s mixed with his in equal parts. He was so worked up (they were, because Mikey just _let_ him) that he kissed Mikey behind his ear and ran a hand down his chest and Mikey leaned into it. Gerard could hear his sharp intake of breath over the screams of the crowd.

~+~  
Gerard is the first out of the bus that night. He is so worked up he nearly jumps out of the elevator and runs to the room door. He needs to get off, needs to be naked right the fuck now. He slams the door and leans heavy against it while he’s unbuttoning his pants. He can feel Frank’s ghost touch skirting around his neck, his lips on Mikey’s, his other hand on Mikey’s hip and the warm feeling of someone who cares a whole fucking lot.  
He curls his fingers around his dick at the same second Frank touches Mikey’s and he doesn’t really want to, but he matches the pace and rhythm Frank jerks Mikey off with. It’s languid and slow, Frank peppering Mikey’s shoulder, his neck, his jaw with kisses while his other hand holds Mikey’s hip in place. Gerard still comes embarrassingly fast, as does Mikey. He slumps against the door and wishes he could touch Frank in return.

~6~  
Gerard is more aware of it after that, but he doesn’t fight it because he can’t. He isn’t made to be alone and he is alone right now. The only thing that keeps him sane are Frank’s touches, his kisses on stage, the way he rubs all over Gerard, runs his hands down and up and all over Gerard’s body, how he does the same with Mikey. Frank is feeding their desire in equal parts and maybe he feeds his own as well.  
But it’s not enough. Even when Gerard jerks off with Frank’s ghost touches on Mikey, it’s just not enough anymore. He needs so badly to be touched and touch in return, to be kissed and stroked and _fucked_.

~+~  
Gerard feels restless and turned on the whole time and he loves it, loves the addictive feeling of it all. The warmth spreading inside him every time Frank kisses Mikey.  
But he’s desperate, because it’s not enough.

~+~  
“Where are you going?” Frank asks.

“Out,” Gerard answers shortly. He jerked off already in the shower, but it’s not enough. It never seems to be these days.

“Out?”

“I need,” he bites his lip hard. “Just don’t do anything to Mikey tonight, okay?” he says, throwing his jacket over.

“You’re going out to find someone to fuck,” Frank states something angry in his voice.

“Yes. And Mikey knows, just don’t try anything until I’m back. He would let you, you know he would,” Gerard says, grabbing the keys.

“Gerard!”

“I can’t take this anymore! I love him, but I can’t take this!”

“And he doesn’t want you to,” Frank answers, grabbing Gerard by the wrist. It feels so good Gerard moans at the contact. He is so touch starved. “You,” Frank breathes, his other hand already at the back of Gerard’s neck and dragging him closer. Gerard can feel his breath, every inhale and exhale and then Frank surges forward and kisses him. Gerard kisses back, his hands coming up and dig hard into Frank’s flesh. He needs this so bad, but not with Frank, because Frank isn’t his. He lets go of Frank, but Frank doesn’t let go of him, Frank’s mouth slides down his jaw, his neck, to his shoulder, dragging the jacket away, mouthing at it through the cotton shirt. Gerard makes a noise low in his throat. He can’t help it, he presses closer again. “Does it feel nice?” Frank asks.

“Yes,” Gerard hisses, something warm, but angry spreading through his guts. These are the words he used the first time they tried it and he fucked it up and now, now… Gerard is too worked up by Frank and the second hand desire to do anything other than give in.

“Mikey said you miss being fucked,” Frank whispers.  
Gerard bites down on his own lip. He’s not going to say it, he’s not going to ask for it either. “Don’t do it with strangers, Gee. I want him so badly and I want him to feel good-“  
Gerard takes a sharp breath and makes to step back. Frank holds on, doesn’t let him get away. “I want you to feel good too and I know, because Mikey told me, that it feels good when you’re with someone who cares. Gee…” And there is _longing_ in that word, but Gerard isn’t sure it’s for him or for Mikey or them. And right now it doesn’t matter, because Gerard wants Mikey to feel good too and he _needs_ so badly to be with someone right now.

“Not without him,” he manages to say.

“Gerard,” Frank answers kissing him again, his hands tightening.

“Not today, I’m not, we’re not ready yet, but not without him,” Gerard clarifies. “But I want to blow you, okay?”

Frank’s breath hitches. “Yeah…”

~+~  
For the first time in months Gerard feels good and not horny, not itchy in the morning when he wakes up and stares at the ceiling. Frank’s not there, but Gerard knew that. Frank’s with Mikey. Gerard can feel the content warm feeling of Mikey loving him, loving them and he sends it right back.

~7~  
“I wonder,” Frank says between bites of pizza. Mikey is sprawled on the couch with his head in Gerard’s lap not really paying attention to the horror movie they’re watching. “What happens when I touch both of you at the same time?”  
Gerard can feel Mikey’s breath hitch at that.

“Sensory overload, I guess,” Gerard answers. Frank grins. It’s strange how easy this is all of a sudden. Maybe because Gerard stopped fighting it, stopped thinking that he’s taking something away from Mikey.  
Frank finishes his pizza, licks his fingers and Gerard is staring and he knows that Mikey is staring too, and shifts on the couch so he’s between them. Mikey makes room with a soft moan.

“Okay…” Frank says, reaching out with both hands and placing one on Mikey’s shoulder and one on Gerard’s. Mikey bites his lip. “Good?” Frank asks.  
Gerard nods, because yeah it is good. Frank runs his hands over their necks, up, cupping the curves of their jaws, grazing the corners of their mouths and Gerard opens his and flicks his tongue against Frank’s thumb, lets it slide in and sucks. “Fuck!” Frank swears.

“That good, hmm?” Mikey teases.

Gerard grabs his hand on the couch, intertwines their fingers to make sure this is okay. Mikey squeezes back. It is okay. It feels amazing, it’s like a constant exchange of touches, licks, bites, warmth, love, arousal. Everything in one. It flows between them. And when Frank leans down to kiss Gerard, Mikey moans and buries his head in Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard can feel his breath on his skin through his old shirt. He tightens his grip on Mikey’s fingers and Mikey bites down, softly.  
They don’t make it to the bed, but it doesn’t matter.

~+~  
Gerard likes to wake up to the feel of Frank buried into his back. He likes to know that it’s okay, likes to know that Mikey is close by. Loves to wake up to the heavy feel of Mikey draped all over him, Frank lazily stroking his hip.  
He curls around Mikey stronger and kisses his head.

“That is so hot,” Frank whispers into his ear, his fingers on Gerard’s body becoming intense. Gerard shifts into Frank, into Frank’s lips on his neck, his shoulder, into Frank’s fingers on his hip and his stomach, into Frank’s solid body behind him.

“You are such a pervert,” Gerard whispers back. He doesn’t want to wake Mikey up just yet.

“Hmm…” Frank answers, his fingers teasing at the hem of Gerard’s boxers. Frank’s dick rubbing against his ass. And suddenly desire crashes into him, he bites his lip to keep a desperate moan in. It’s been so long since someone fucked him, since he had someone inside him. He misses it painfully.

Mikey stirs beside him; Gerard knows he can feel Gerard’s desperation. “I want,” Gerard whispers.

“Yeah…” Mikey answers and kisses his cheek. He reaches out with his long fingers and grabs Frank’s hand, bushes it over Gerard’s hip and behind to his ass.

“Oh…” Frank breathes.

“Yeah?” Mikey asks.

“Gerard?” Frank wants to know, his lips forming the word on Gerard’s skin. Gerard pushes against Frank's fingers and moans and that is all Frank is going to get. “Okay...” Frank breathes. “Okay.”  
Gerard closes his eyes as he sees Mikey reach for the lube in the drawer.

~+~  
Mikey clutches his hand so hard it nearly hurts, with the other he traces patterns on Gerard's skin; over his hip, his ribs, his arm up to his shoulder, his neck, brushes it against Gerard's mouth and then runs it down again. Just to start over.  
Gerard is pushing restlessly against Frank's finger inside him. Slowly stretching and teasing and he wants Frank to hurry the fuck up, but when he opens his eyes and looks at Mikey's face: the desire, the want, the naked joy there, he shuts up and lets Frank prepare and tease him. Frank can take all the fucking time in the world as long as Mikey is enjoying it.

“I do,” Mikey whispers as Frank slides a second finger in.  
Gerard leans forward a bit, Frank's hand tightening around his neck, and brushes a kiss to Mikey's cheek.

This is not Gerard's favourite position, because he can't spread his legs wide enough, doesn't have much control over the whole thing, but maybe with Frank, with them, he doesn't need to be in control. Frank adds another finger shortly after and Mikey moans, burring his head in the pillow.

“That good?” Frank asks, a bit awed.

“Yes,” they say in unison. Gerard's a hiss and Mikey's mumbled into the pillow. Gerard pushes against Frank's fingers, takes them deeper and Mikey shifts closer to him; he can feel Mikey's cock brush against his thigh.  
They've never done anything like this. Never.

“It's okay...Gee, it's okay,” Mikey whispers. He's shifting restlessly, his breathing hard, his body glistening with sweat like he's been teased for what feels like hours by Frank's fingers (and he had, not like Gerard, but close enough. He could smell it, see it, taste it if he wanted to – Gerard would let him). He’s writhing and rubbing against Gerard and Gerard reaches out then, curls his hand around Mikey's neck and pulls him closer, gives in and kisses his brother on the lips for the first time for real. There is no hesitation in Mikey. The desperation and joy and want are a taste Gerard has to lick out of Mikey's mouth.

“You ready?” Gerard asks against his lips.

“Are you?” Mikey replies.

“Please say you are,” Frank says, desperation in every single syllable. Gerard isn't sure who he's talking to, but maybe to them both.

“Yeah...” Gerard whispers, he's looking at Mikey, looking for signs.

Mikey kisses him. “Yeah,” he breathes, but Frank hears him anyway.

~+~  
Mikey's fingers are digging into Gerard's hip painfully as Frank pushes in. He moans and Mikey licks it away, eats it, swallows it, keeps it inside. Makes it his own.

“Oh fuck,” Frank grits out and Gerard pushes back. He's done waiting. This feels so good and judging by the way Mikey moves restlessly against Gerard it feels amazing for Mikey too.  
Gerard wants everything and he wants it now, hard and fast and so good it'll hurt.

“Slow,” Mikey breathes and Gerard huffs in frustration. He doesn't do slow and soft. “Now you do. Now we do,” Mikey answers, there is an unheard, unsaid please at the end of that sentence and Gerard gives in again. Let's Frank set the rhythm.  
It's slow and soft and careful and frustrating in a good way. Frank mouths at his shoulder, runs a hand down his stomach, the other grabbing his leg just under his knee. Spreading him for better access.  
And then there is Mikey, falling into the pace and rhythm Frank is setting. Driving Gerard crazy. Gerard reaches for Mikey's hand and guides it to his dick.

“You close?” Mikey asks.

“Are you?”

“Can you hold out a bit longer?” Mikey asks, it sounds a bit shy.

Gerard smiles, “yeah,” he says, because he knows how good the edge feels. “Not sure about Frank, though.”

“Hey!” Frank throws in and bites his shoulder while he slams in particularity hard. The sensations startled Mikey into orgasm. He just tips over the edge, clinging to Gerard. It's like a domino effect, the feeling of Frank inside him, Mikey clinging onto him, the bite on his shoulder, Mikey's knuckles dragging and curling and uncurling, brushing his balls and he's coming too.  
As does Frank, whispering curses into Gerard's skin.

~+~  
Gerard wakes up to the smell of coffee and a kiss to his nape. He thinks this is a very good way to wake up.

“So…bus call in an hour,” Frank says from somewhere above him, but he knew it was Mikey’s bony body in the bed. He shared a bed with Mikey often enough to know this.

“Hmm…” Gerard mumbles into the pillow.

“Get up, shower, god please shower,” Frank says, setting the cup down on the nightstand. Gerard can see it when he opens one eye carefully.

Mikey smiles into his skin. “It’s like he doesn’t know you…”

“Yeah,” Gerard answers and rolls over lazily to look at Mikey. They’re so close their noses nearly touch. He reaches out and curls his fingers around Mikey’s neck. It never did anything to him to touch Mikey before, because Mikey is a part of himself, now it’s a small thrill to lean closer and brush his lips against his brother’s. He can feel Mikey’s smile against his lips and it’s awesome.

“You two…I,” Frank’s breath hitches and Mikey pulls away to look at him.

“You sure you want to waste good hotel time on showers?” Gerard asks not looking at him. Mikey sniggers into his shoulder.

“You’re evil,” Frank answers, but he doesn’t budge on the shower issue.

~end~


End file.
